but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
