How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
