her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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