Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
