we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
