also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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