I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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