I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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