I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
