take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
