I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
