fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
