her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
