everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
