This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
