No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
