GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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