Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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