I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
