It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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