you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
