How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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