I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
