God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
