Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
love makes seman taste better
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
