I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Everything about him screamed your future.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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