Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
and you fell through a lawn chair
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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