sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
