i already hear my dad disowning me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
