we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
