i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
