It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
