You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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