I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
