im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
