There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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