shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
