Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
id be glad to
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
