the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
