What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
