24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Sober January is a disaster.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
