he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
