If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
