allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
3pm strippers are depressing
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
