Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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