Your dad touched me again.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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