I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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