I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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