mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
