I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
