i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
