I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she pinky promised me she was 18
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
