I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
