Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
